I Want to Leave Stanford!

I really hate ending things. I remember many last days of school before the break. Nervousness builds up gradually, you can't stop from checking your watch (or later: you phone) and you just want it to be over. Not because school was any worse on that last day (actually it was much better, because the grades were locked in and no one gave a sh**), but mainly because one was looking forward to something new and exciting. I am not afraid of endings and everything associated with it. I don't want time to stop, I actually want it to move faster.

I feel like that right now. I will be leaving for my summer internship on Wednesday morning (that means two more days in Palo Alto) and I can't wait to get onto that plane and have United Airlines fly me to London. And I am actually really conflicted about this feeling. I mean, I am having a great life right now. I have made tons of new friends that I won't see for three months and yet: I want to leave. My prospect is an unknown environment, long hours of work and once more living out of the suitcase. There is maybe a slight feeling of sadness, but my overwhelming emotion is nervousness and excitement that has been building up for over two weeks.

I guess I have always been like that. Somewhat restless. My fear though is that by looking forward to the future I forget to live in the here and now. I forget to value that conversation with a good friend or that pizza & wine mixer happening in half an hour. I am sure that in five years I would pay big bucks to have only one of those days back. And yet right now I am treating this day as a mere transition to something else and don't pay any attention. I should stop that!

Cheers + Bis Bald!